Masquerade

Masquerade

-22 October 2005-

Wearing a mask, lost in the dance
Unsure of who’s who
Caught up in the trance
Whirling and twirling
My mask has fallen
My face unhidden
The spinning speed faster
The world turns to colors
Streaming around me
With one another
The masks are falling
Crushed, beneath our feet
But we’re moving too fast, only our eyes meet
My vision tunnels inward, I can’t see your face
All I know is the dancing we do in this place
I long to pull you out of this whirlwind of confusion
To stop this complicated, intricate illusion
But I can’t pull outward; I’m lost in the spin
As it sucks us downward and pulls us farther in
And still, all I can see are your eyes
As we dance ever onward
In our circle
Of malicious lies

Notebook

Notebook

-15 October 2005-

You know almost all of this notebook
Old, well-worn, and used
Holds poems about you
In your glory
From each time that I’ve mused
About holding you tight against me
And knowing that you care
I do know that’s not how you feel
And that’s almost too much to bear
I wish that these poems could reach you
Without me extending my hand
For if you were to say
You love me
I would be the happiest girl
In the world

Freedom

Freedom

-11 September 2005-

Freedom is smiling when you’ve woken up
Freedom is being free
Freedom is your state of mind
Freedom is doing what you want
And not being judged
Freedom is dressing how you want
And not being ridiculed
Freedom is when you feel wonderful
For just being you
Freedom is smiling when you’ve woken up
After being captivated for so long
Freedom

Today

Today

-17 August 2005-

It lays there before me
Paper, pencil, and dust
This need of mine is a must
To express how I feel and just
Have others know that
I’m a writer, not just for show
The sick, twisted thoughts
Enter my mind as time
Seeps through my hands
And shrivels up like a dying plant
And I can’t keep up, I’m running
So fast just so I can say
“Ah ha! I’ve caught you at last!”
But as I run, you drift farther away
And I still haven’t captured your essence
On paper or with pencil
Today...

Crazy Nut

Crazy Nut

-11 June 2005-

Nothing is the sweetest
Sound you could ever hear
It’s the rustle of leaves
The wind in your hair
Nothing is a dark void
Waiting to suck you in
So the nothingness seeps
Into your skin
As you squirm and revolt
So they force sweet paregoric
To slip down your throat
Leaving you numb
And longing to choke
As the fogginess clears
And you like in bed
Wondering why
You have all these scars
On your body
As you awake to the sun
With the razor in hand
You’ve trailed the blood
All over yourself and your bed
And as the nurse struts in
And says “tut… tut… tut…”
You realize
You are just
Another
Crazy nut

I Am

I Am

-17 May 2005-

I am empty…

mixed - up unsure, stuck
between all that is and isn't
my mind is lying in a ditch
I woke up this morning
with no soul
I woke up this morning
broken and alone
She took of me
all that I had to give
I love her more now
to betray me
would be the end
I'm not alone
just starved and hungry
for something I can not have
and so it pains me

I am haunted…

pale young innocent
none of these am I
what defines me
other than my color
or the way I feel on
the inside
I am tired
I don't sleep anymore
I watch the shadows dance
on my walls and windows
and they keep me awake
till the sun peeks through

I am decaying….

the life I knew before
is so far over gone
on my gravestone
will be the words
"she never knew"
because I don't know
what life is at all
most people spend
all of their lives
trying to figure out
what is life
while I decay
and fade away
I won't miss this life

I am barren…

All that I am
and all that I was
is gone away now
there is no more
sorrow
pain
envy
there is no more

I am empty.

Twisted Truth

Twisted Truth

-14 March 2005-

they’ve twisted
the truth
and made up lies
for the perfect plan
that they’ve
devised
they’ve put up a wall
to shield their plan
as I am tied
to a ball and chain
I can’t go backwards
I can’t go foreword
I wish I could move
On through this
I’m stuck here
And that’s that
I’m not so alone
As I think
I have the voices in my head
That lull me to sleep…
As I drift off and dream
Of
Nothing