lonely-blue-eyes (story)

her eyes ment mine like I had been scolded by a boiling ocean... her need so transparent to my preception. she pierced my gaze then asking me "why don't you come by and visit?" and I knew it as an order but I could only nod my head as her blue eyes held mine captive. We arrived at her house, outside her gate , the memories of winters' past crept up into my mind as I had loved her then almost as much as I did at sixteen....and now at nineteen.. what am I to her? a friend, a secret lover, that rebound fling.... but that was another place, another time.

you -
utterly undefinable
seeking no notice to let me in,
you once told me your life stories and dreams
those three years ago...
has it really been so long?
when I was too young
too innocent, too naive to see -

me -
wanting, lusting, needing
to be captivated by you,
and still you held off
by another lover
while I was just the rebound
I was nothing at the time

we faded away, moved on, but you were still on my mind from time to time... I had other lovers since you, since then.. but she was no better - not even close.
away went the seasons to make way
for growth and change
nessicary for a new way, a new light of thinking, of seeing -

you -
have taken me home twice or more since then
and each time we climb those stairs
I am reminded of what lies
behind that door.
I can feel your eyes lingering
I can feel your eyes wanting me

we enter your apartment and sit at the table, talking like old friends around your roomates, but I know the real reason we do this... its polite and friend making. I know most of your roomates already from the various conversations we have. we leave the table then to head to your room.

you -
upon getting me behind that door
proceed to kiss, touch, and roam
you hands everywhere.
we're somehow on your bed now
and I don't mind.

me -
I keep track of time mentally in my head
making sure I know when I have to go
as I enjoy your hands all over my body
bringing my passion to her head
as I haven't spent a night in your arms
in so long - as your lover
I don't think I have that priledge
as I stare into your blue eyes

you -
notice that our making has slowed
and ask me to stay the night
as you declare to me softly
no other lover has paid
as much attention to you as I do
pleading for me to stay the night
with those lone blue eyes
how can I refuse?

me -
I enjoy this game of wanting, needing
lusting after you, wishing I didn't have to
wishing you were already mine.
but your not - yet again
your seeing someone else
another one just like her again
while I just occupy your bed
and I secretly hope it doesn't last.
I just hope you don't become
attached and get hurt again

and in the morning you rise from our nest of sheets and blankets and I wish you didn't have to go to work.. but you look at me and tell me duty calls as you kiss my forehead...my neck, snuggling close... but I lay in your t-shirt as you move away from me to shower and dress for work. wishing it could be this way everyday, wishing I could be here always.

buts its not that simple....
as I'm only your sometimes lover
and not your full time lover.
but I need more....as this is not enough.

no-- its not.