Fade

Fade

-19 July 2006-

It made me feel
It made me numb
It made me think
It made me stop
It looked so beautiful
Silver-edged against my caramel skin
It could make it stop
It had the power to make me stop hurting
Did I really want it?
Did I really want to make this a dream?
I picked it up
And looked at it
Turning it over
It was so shiny
So beautiful
I pressed it against my wrist
It was so beautiful
I pressed harder
So beautiful
It didn’t break the skin
It wasn’t sharp enough
It wasn’t good enough
I wasn’t good enough
We weren’t good enough
Angry red marks cover my skin
Where it wouldn’t break
Where it wouldn’t let me rest in peace
They’re starting to fade
Distant memories
And I’m starting to miss them
Already...

Puppet

Puppet

-2 July 2006-

A limp form
across a shadowed
room
lying broken,
defeated...
lifeless...
she struggles to get up
yet she can not.
She longs to run
to be free,
yet her will
is not her
own.
she is merely
controlled...
owned...
imprisoned...
she is trapped
with no where
to go.
He holds the strings
She's his puppet
twirling,
spinning,
dancing
round and round.
He uses her,
then discards her
with a frown
She lay's there
broken,
defeated...
lifeless...
she wonders if
she has a purpose
she tries to tell herself
she'll be ok.
she's tries to make the pain
go away.
she can't help it
onward he commands
twirling...
spinning...
dancing...
yet again.
she's in his control
she's a puppet
destined to
obey his commands...
and who am I?
I am merely this girl
trying to survive.

STUTTERED WONDERING

STUTTERED WONDERING

-21 February 2006-

its a mixed up type of thing
stuttering over what can't be seen
and I'm in the middle of all this
stuck on how to seem more interesting
it's not that I'm not
its just twenty minutes into the conversation
there's dead silence and nothing to talk about
why is it i can't find anything to say?
why is it we're this way?
and I feel like nothing is supposed to make sense
but everything in the world makes sense when I'm with you
its like everything will be okay
and I be fine so long as your here by my side
not seeing you for so long has been torturous
and having no one to talk to had been equally unadventurous
we make up for lack of conversation
with our own unique body language towards each other
and all the while I'm missing you
wondering if you're missing me too
I wonder if you're feeling for me
what I'm feeling for you
and I wonder if your caring
the way I'm caring
or if things are just playing out
cause I'm not playing about it
and its a mixed up type of thing
where I'm stuttering over what can't be heard

There Are Days

There Are Days

-16 February 2006-

There are days when I need you

And you’re just so far away

There are days when I want you

And you leave anyway

Your smile is my sun

And hold your hand makes me laugh

Not seeing you everyday,

Well I can live with that

We talk all day of simple things

Yet all of these emotions take hold of me

I can’t look at you while you speak

For fear of kissing your lips

And ruining what we’ve had

Since the beginning of this

It’s all too much to bear

And I can’t control it

I’m dying just to shout out:

Honey, I’ve loved you forever.

She Struggles

She Struggles

-12 February 2006-

She struggles with it all...
She struggles with
the thoughts of interconnections
And of how she feels
so detached and devoid
of every emotion
Of how she struggles with
the thoughts of being abnormal
How her parents acknowledge her,
yet won't except the fact
That she's different and that's that.
They want her to change,
who's she's finally comfortable with
And she's won't opt for that decision
So she struggles with it
She struggles with it all
She’s reached for that blade so many times
And as the blood flows she cries and asks why
She doesn't want to give in to that temptation
Her friends see something is wrong
But don't know what to do, or how to help
They acknowledge her pain
But fear to intervene
For she is lost to them, and is no longer seen
She wishes she were seen
Or for someone to intervene....