darkness corner

she sits and awaits in silent reverie
of what was always, yet never met to be
she ponders, hopes, dreams, then dismisses
all the wandering lovers she ever needed
wasting away night by night
the faded stillframes come to life
entwining memory with pictureless dreams
squandering heartlessness with dreadful seems
she sews and sews up the sides of her garment
torn for ages by a lustful brute
the unspeakable red mess left behind
as she bore not one but two of a kind
squalling and screaming a rage to be seen
two little angels in desguise it seems
she held them and coddled them
love as only a mother would know
two baby girls, one dark with cream the other white as snow

In Inspiration I Leave You,
Wren Sparrow

this blade

I wish to take this blade
and slash away
all of my inadequacies
all of my self-hatred
all of my loathing
all of my imperfections
but my incompleteness
makes me unique

allow this solemn blade
to pierce this dense skin
allow this crimson lie
to drip ruby eyed gems
onto the stained porcelain
of what they call this reality

no one ever sees this as what it is
they say im insane, im unhealthy
they say its wrong, to mutilate
to break flawless skin
which has always been so flawed
so marred by my deep understanding
that what is truely isnt

so with this blade
i hope to purge all my sins
which i do not believe in
this false idea of God
who is feminine and truly Goddess

let them condemn me
I've found the answer
with this blade

to bleed by a cut

in my deep despair
I ravish this blade
I climb this mountain
foolishly thinking me a champion

I take this blade
and press it to sweet tanned skin
the deep red swells just within
flowing a bit faster than before

its been so long since
the sharp edge
met my flesh
i feel so alive and refreshed
as the crimson seeps down my arm
and ruby droplets slash the the floor
leave me wanting more and more

but i do not press the hot metal to skin
for the temptation of going over the edge again

tormented memories haunt my eyes
as i long to complete the sweetest suicide
but the denial and goals heretofore
are stronger willed then they ever were

and the ruby droplets cease to fall
as the crimson crusts over to muddy brown
another scar, another tale
another time, another way

to complete this mission
to bleed by a cut completely.

In Inspiration I Leave You,
Wren Sparrow

the darkest night

they met in the darkest of the night
as only forbidden lovers should.
they grasped each other and held on tight
as they made their way down the hill
and into the deep forrest.
surrounded by night owls
in the thick grove of trees
did they preform the barest act of sexual need
females bodies engaged in one another
pale flesh against her dark coloring
niether one saw the man in the leaves
as he stepped out of the clearing
and whispered "Adele, you disgust me."
he looked closer at the dark african beauty
then upon his sister so near by.
grabbing his knife, and her in a chokehold
slit her porcelain throat from ear to ear
liquid red crimson mess
dribbled down his solemn heaving chest
the amazon girl so dark as night
backed away in all of fright
he follwed her chasing pace
and soon caught her in a snug embrace.
throwing her to the cool summer earth
he raped her over and over
his big hard cock
bruising and aching her sore cunt
at last he finished with her
and tossed her aside
as he cut out her heart
and muffled her last cries
leaving the forest clearing
with the moon still high
it was only a dark and dreary night

In Inspiration I Leave You,
Wren Sparrow

Use and Abuse Me

Use and Abuse Me

-23 July 2008-

Use and abuse me
It's all the same to you
You said to use me
You wanted to abuse me
This was fine with you
You said to hurt me
You said for me to be down
And it all happened as you
Wanted it to happen
So I ask myself why
Why I let it happen
Again and again
Time after time
It grows so old
You'd think I'd change again
And yet I say the say
Day after Day
Week after week
Being the loser that I am
So just come on and use me
So just come on and abuse me
You know you want it
So bad you can taste it
So come on and fuck me
So come on and kill me
End it all now with my blood
Wash it away with my tears
Do it now and let it be done.
So fuck you for coming to me
So fuck you for being in my place
Except I wouldn't change a thing
For the times we had together
I'd not trade them for the world
Except for maybe being together.
Fuck you.
Fuck me.
Fuck it all.
Fuck this horrible place.
Use and abuse me as you will.

night time

sometimes the nighttime
plays tricks with your sight and mind
nothing is there to see at all

In Inspiration I Leave You,
Wren Sparrow

if it was

if it was ment to be
then i would slash
these dreaded arms completly....
leaving crimson tides of blood and war
for kith and kin to find me on the bathroom floor
empty and lifeless as a 22nd st whore
nevermore to breath
nevermore to smile
cut and slash
cut and slash
the beats amount in my head
as i awake from this dream
and find im soaked in red

Deep Rooted Silence

Deep Rooted Silence

-5 July 2008-

this deep rooted silence comes from
not being able to speak out
for fear of the hurting pain
that manifests in subtle ways
the slap of a hand
the glare of anger
the throwing of an object across the room

the repercussion for slamming doors
the punishments that were never ending
the depression for deeper emotional abuses

I have done no wrongs to be faulted for
I am not a whore, I am not on drugs,
I do not drink, I dont have random wild worrisome sex
I will probably marry one day
to a girl...

is that the underlying issue?
being gay?

lemme tell you something,
I'm just wired this way.

is this the reason for our issues? our fears? our mistreatment?
or is it because I am becoming something you no longer wish to deal with?
tell me now, or forever I won't know
why we struggle like this so...

my deep rooted silence
comes from the pain I've endured
of harsh words, small encouragements
and being overall ignored

I try to stand up and justify myself
and it always comes back
to something I mistook
or interpreted wrong

it comes down to this:
do I stand or do I fall?
take the plunge once more and admit I am wrong for nothing
or stand up and declare my emotions loud like a crow: caw! caw! caw!

Am I less of a person, for displaying family secrets?
have I broken the silent code?

I think your resentful, I've finally learned how to use my voice
This is all a part of the process towards healing myself
and becoming a better healed and whole person.

If I leave the negative behind,
will I regain the positive of the future?

I am a small tree, fixed and transplanted,
into a grove of trees, my family.
no mighty wind can knock me down
for they are the lightening which tries to strike
and I am becoming branches and leaves
learning to fight.

and if I use my voice to clear out the twilight shadows
will this silence be uprooted?