Confused, Regrets, Thoughts

Today was a hard day. I am often baffled by the strength several of us have it to make it through the day. I believe my last class was especially the hardest. We had to do an interactive, where on three separate sticky notes we listed: one regret, one thing that terrifies us, and one thing we're slightly embarrassed about. My things I listed were all semi serious, and all had a great impact on where I am today and why I am here.

I am small. I am timid. I am anti-social. I am scared. I'm terrified of life. I am also responsible. I am determined. I am motivated. I am driven. I want to succeed in life. How do these emotions reconcile with one another? I've come to the conclusion, that there are three kinds of people in this world 
1: the vindictive, pessimistic, never happy types. 
2: the sad, why-me, attention criers, who want everyone to pity them 
and 3: the ones who are motivated through their struggles to make it in this world, have people to support them, and wont give up no matter what. 
Which one are you?

My boyfriend tells me he loves me, says I'm the most important thing in his life, says he would die without me, says I complete him and make him happy. he tells me everyday how beautiful I am, how pretty my smile is, how nice my laughter is, how I'm so talented, how I have a beautiful voice, and so on. the compliments just keep racking up... they add up & up & up until I feel like I'm on top of a roof and have no choice but to jump or else I'll drown in compliments.

he asks me if I can see us being together forever, he asks me if i can see us being married, having kids, living  a life together somewhere.  honestly, I don't know. I've always been a drifter. our relationship is the longest i've ever had and sometimes I wonder what these reasons are.

I someday see myself a successful business woman, with a partner, living in a nice house with a dog, very happy.

on the other hand, I can see myself settled down, with children and being happy that way.

I just dont know anymore. my biggest fear is falling out of love with my boyfriend and then leaving him for a woman. I know that will cause him major heartbreak. I would hate to hurt him.

I feel confused. I feel crazy. I feel..... almost hollow.

I hate feeling this way.
I hate not knowing.

why can't I just be happy? why does it always come down to two?